How to help your kid to accept the divorce? For a start, it is important to understand: it is impossible to divorce a child, parenting – for the rest of your life, regardless of whether you live together or separately and how much time you spend communicating.
It is important not to mix family and parental relationships – these are two autonomous subsystems in the family.
What happens between you as a husband and wife should not concern children, because they immediately take everything personally, blaming themselves for family problems.
Therefore, if the parents start consulting with the child, whether or not they should divorce, or the mother complains about what a bad dad, or even worse, asks if she should not marry her uncle such-and-such, the child, on the one hand, feels guilty for everything going on. On the other hand, he gets involved in unusual and incomprehensible adult relationships, in which he is offered to accept the position of one of the parents, while the other is considered “bad.”
In fact, in such situations, the child is simply afraid of losing one of the parents, each of whom loves equally, because it is still difficult for him to separate the marital and parental levels in the relationship. Therefore, you should talk about the future of marriage when your child is not around. And if it came to a divorce, you need to explain that you break up as a husband and wife, and as parents you will always be together. Because it really is.
For normal development, it is important for a child to know that he has both good parents. Therefore, for example, when the mother constantly tells her daughter that her father is a bad husband, the daughter begins to look at her father with her mother’s eyes. Divorce is a is such a stressful thing for adults, multiply it by ten times when you talking about children. For them, the divorce of parents is an earthquake for the world in which they live. Therefore, if you have decided to take such a serious step, make sure that your children will feel as less stress as possible.
We prepared the list of most common mistakes of parents’ divorce
The most common mistakes of parents’ divorce
Do not use your child as an excuse for divorce
This is the biggest mistake of parents who are on the verge of divorce. Yes, indeed, divorce is a very strong stress, especially for a child. But it’s much worse for him to live in a family where parents hate each other. In such a situation, the negative between the couple remains, irritation and anger grow. The child sees only quarrels, hatred, and the war of the parents. Even if the parents manage to successfully conceal their feelings and not to quarrel with the child, he still feels the tension and lack of love. Living in a family where parents want to get a divorce, but do not do this, the child does not receive a normal, healthy pattern of marital relations, normal, warm, caring relationships between a man and a woman. And this in the future will prevent you from creating your own happy family.
Do not lie to your child
Any lie is meant. To deceive that everything is fine between mom and dad, to pretend that everything is fine. To say that dad left and will not be back soon, etc. First, children feel changes in the emotional state of their parents very subtlety. Secondly, they are able to invent something that really is not. Having said that the father left far away and for a long time, the child may decide that he did it because of him, that he no longer loves him
Do not scold and swear your partner in front of your child before or after the divorce
For a child, and mom and dad are always good. They are and will be, no matter what. It is incredibly difficult for a kid to listen to all that negative about dad or mom. The child knows that he is partly like his father and partly like his mother (after all, they are his parents), and therefore all negative words directed towards one of them can also be perceived in one’s own way, and over time start counting themselves as insignificant. If it’s possible, try to make your divorce process as peaceful as you can. Getting an online divorce will save you a big amount of money that could be spent on college or your kid’s needs. For filling the divorce forms you can use help from such services as https://divorceonlineutah.com that will help you to fill all the divorce forms. It is much easier for children to survive the parents’ divorce, if they both remain good in their picture of the world.